In our last blog, we explored the idea of wintering — the seasons in our lives when slowing down, turning inward, and making space for rest and healing is the most supportive thing we can do. I suggested that even during these quieter times, we can still be moving forward, gently introducing behaviour changes that help us navigate the world in ways that are sustainable and meaningful.
This blog picks up from that idea and looks more closely at some of the key ingredients for behaviour change whether dialling things down in a season of wintering or beginning to dial things up when beginning to flourish.
Here are a few key ingredients that may help you to explore new habits that support your health and wellbeing.
1. Knowing your why
Being clear about why you might want to make a change can be a helpful first step. This involves getting in touch with your values – what qualities you’d like more of in your life. These might include things like self-development, movement, connection, creativity.
Spending time reflecting on values isn’t something everyone is familiar with. If this feels unfamiliar, it can help to start with a list and notice which words resonate. Resources like this values list can offer a useful starting point: Values List
Another way of connecting with your values is to think about a time when you felt fulfilled or nourished. You might ask yourself what it was about that time that felt meaningful or worthwhile and see if a few words emerge from that reflection.
Research suggests that people are more likely to try and engage with new behaviours when they are linked to what genuinely matters to them, rather than what they feel they should be doing. Relying on willpower alone has not been shown to be a reliable or effective way of supporting lasting behaviour change.
2) Starting small
The next key ingredient is to keep new habits small. If the new habit is doable, you are more likely to give it a try, and the key to behaviour change is actually doing it so that your system has the opportunity to recognise it as something valuable that you want more of. It can be tempting to feel that unless a behaviour is big enough, it isn’t worthwhile. You may think, “Between meetings, if I’m only going to stand up to do a quick stretch , what’s the point?”
There are two important things to consider here. If a behaviour feels too daunting, you’re less likely to initiate it, and over time this can reinforce a sense of failure rather than progress. Small behaviours, on the other hand, act as stepping stones. Getting a “win” under your belt gives the habit somewhere to grow from. The small act of briefly standing up between meetings to do a quick stretch, could lead to taking a moving lunch break. The small action is the catalyst which can then drive further change.
3. Meeting the setbacks with compassion.
It is common when exploring new habits to experience peaks and troughs. The setbacks can be challenging when you have invested time, energy, and courage into trying something new. Difficult thoughts and feelings can surface: “Why did I even bother?” or “I knew it wasn’t going to work.” Rumination may kick in, trying to problem-solve where it all went wrong.
From a Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) perspective, these moments often show up when the threat system is running the show. When that happens, our attention naturally narrows and the mind becomes more reactive, which makes it harder to think flexibly about what might help next. Rather than trying to push those feelings away, CFT encourages us to gently turn towards experiences like frustration, disappointment, or sadness, and to meet them with a compassionate attitude: warm, non-judgemental, and grounded in an understanding of how our brains respond under pressure. Doing this can help settle the nervous system, dial down threat, and create a bit more mental space. And it’s in that space that clearer thinking and more thoughtful, values-based problem-solving tends to become possible.
4. Meeting the wins with a celebration
When things are going well, it can be tempting to immediately move to the next goal without acknowledgement of the success or to underplay its value. But celebration matters. Research in behaviour science and neuroscience suggests that when we acknowledge that we engaged in a helpful behaviour and notice its benefits, it brings the success to our conscious awareness. This in turn, is both good for our wellbeing and also increases the chances that we’ll want to repeat it.
Celebration doesn’t have to be elaborate. It might be a small reward, a smile, or a kind inner comment. It can be especially meaningful to connect the behaviour to a value — for example, recognising that resting when you needed to was an expression of self-care.
At Flourish with Fatigue, we work alongside people with fatigue to explore behaviour change in a way that fits where they are right now — whether that means dialling energy demands up or down. We focus on building small, values-led habits and supporting people to meet both the peaks and troughs with compassion, curiosity, and gentle celebration.
References:
Brown, B. (2023). Dare to Lead list of values. Brené Brown. https://brenebrown.com/resources/dare-to-lead-list-of-values/
Fogg, B. J. (2020). Tiny habits: The small changes that change everything. Mariner Books.
Hanson, R. (2018, March 18). Feeling successful. RickHanson.com. https://rickhanson.com/feeling-successful/
Irons, C., & Beaumont, E. (2017). The compassionate mind workbook: A step‑by‑step guide to developing your compassionate self. Robinson.
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